THOUGHTS FROM LESSON #2
I was raised on an 80-acre dairy farm in a country environment, (but close to the city) surrounded by what has been referred to as "Middle America." I and the majority of my friends came from homes where our parents had all graduated high school but not both had finished college. The majority had married in their early 20's and were in first marriages that seemed happy. My children are now seeing different trends among the parents of their peers as higher education expectations rise in one ring and divorce, single parenting, and blended families rise in another. W. Bradford Wilcox made the observation that "when marriage among the moderately-educated middle begins to resemble the fragile state of marriage among the poor, the family patterns of the high school educated become 'more likely to resemble those of high school dropouts, with all the attendant problems of economic stress, partner conflict, single parenting, and troubled children'” (The National Marriage Project, The State of Our Unions, 2012). In today's societal climate, even the definition of marriage is being fiercely debated, a thing I would have never anticipated in my adolescence.
The social science researcher, Paul Amato has made the case that "compared with other children, those who grow up in stable, two-parent families have a higher standard of living, receive more effective parenting, experience more cooperative co-parenting, are emotionally closer to both parents (especially fathers), and are subjected to fewer stressful events and circumstances." His studies have also found that "this distinction is even stronger if we focus on children growing up with two happily married biological parents" (Amato, P., 2005, The impact of family formation change on the cognitive, social, and emotional well-being of the next generation, The Future of Children, 15(2), 75-96).
As with any study or statistic, they measure only trends, not individual circumstances, so of course, there will always be outliers and exceptions. Dallin H. Oaks and Joseph F. Smith were raised by single mothers. David A. Bednar and Richard G. Scott were raised by parents who were not members of the same religion. Ronald A. Rasband never finished his Bachelor's degree in college. Yet, all have become successful men, contributing in extensive ways to society. However, we always want to teach to and reach for the ideal, as the gospel does, even though we will so often fall short of it, for it is only in the stretching that we grow and progress closer to perfection. So, how can I personally affect the ever-expanding family crisis circus?
Dallin H. Oaks proposes that "... a marriage, like a human life, is a precious, living thing. If our bodies are sick, we seek to heal them. We do not give up. While there is any prospect of life, we seek healing again and again. The same should be true of our marriages, and if we seek Him, the Lord will help us and heal us" (Dallin H. Oaks, April 2007 General Conference, Divorce).
Healing is not a one-time event for strong families. It involves a lifetime of monitoring, mending, and maintenance. In my own family, there is a constant need for altruistic reassessment. It is so easy in this day of "selfish individualism" (Julie B. Beck, 2009, Teaching the Doctrine of the Family). to feel justified in putting the needs of others on the back seat to our own. We are awash in a ME culture with a throwaway mentality, both of which negate the need for family, progressive struggle or personal sacrifice.
I cannot make great strides in changing the cultural trends that are threatening the state of marriage and family as a whole but I can be courageous in strengthening my own small sphere. Spencer W. Kimball warned that “only those who believe deeply and actively in the family will be able to preserve their families in the midst of the gathering evil around us.” (Spencer W. Kimball, Oct. 1980, Families Can Be Eternal). I do believe deeply and though building a strong marriage is filled with considerable challenge, adversity, and hard work, I can actively honor my own "marital vows with complete fidelity, " and strive to establish and maintain my own family "on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities" (Gordan B. Hinckley, 1995, The Family: A Proclamation to the World, General Relief Society Meeting).
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