There are some concepts so pertinent to emotional prosperity that our study of them will never be complete in mortality. As I come to the end of my educational immersion in the text of Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage, I am overwhelmed with the relationship treasures that I have excavated and know that I will continually be drawn back to its principles, over and over again. The themes of personal responsibility, character building, meekness, selflessness, charity and the overarching power of the Atonement of Jesus Christ propels me to assess inwardly and serve outwardly. A few of my favorite concepts are beautifully summarized in Dr. H. Wallace Goddard’s own words:
“Sometimes we imagine that learning some tidy set of skills will enable us to process our partnership woes effectively. But good marriage is not about skills. It is about character.”
“In striking the marriage bargain, we are (unknowingly) giving up the egocentrisms of childhood in favor of the charity of Godhood. We make a covenantal step toward unselfishness.”
“We cannot steal the fire of love from heaven. We must buy it with soul stretching payments.”As I have read through this book and simultaneously studied the concepts in Dr. John Gottman’s book, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, I have been continuously humbled and chastened but not downtrodden. For concurrent with this corrective spirit I have been encouraged by a brightness of hope, a reassurance of healing in my own relationships, and a return of the best kind of control in life...self-control.
It is far too easy to spend the energy of human nature on feeling sorry for ourselves because of the poor choices of others or blaming our inferior circumstances on the faulty flaws of family and friends who are sometimes viewed as foes.
I have experienced the opportunity of being occasionally tutored by professional counselors over the struggling course of the last ten years. It has been helpful, but over the last ten weeks of study in my Marriage and Family coursework, based in large part on these two texts, I have come to understand more than ever before the puniness of pride, the largesse of charity and the essential power of the Atonement of Jesus Christ in the process of healing and happiness.
Dr. Wallace’s profound conclusion is fundamental to all that I have learned this semester and am striving to apply in my own imperfect relationships. It is an enlightened reminder of the personal accountability required for personal peace :
“...healing human souls is something we humans always do poorly. That is why the devil wants us to be mate-fixing do-it-yourselfers. This is a keen irony in our dilemma. We cannot fix our partners. We cannot even fix ourselves! But we can make ourselves humble. We can recognize our dependence on God for all that we have and are. We can gladly acknowledge that it is He who lends us breath and sustains the simplest functions of life and love. So when we presume to set our partners and our marriage right, we are intruding on the Heavenly prerogative. We are seizing the reins from God. It doesn't work. We mortals make poor gods."
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